YOUTH
Fun Things for Teachers to Do on the First Day of Class
- Wear a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises.
- After confirming everyoneís names on the roll, thank the class for attending ‘Advanced Astrodynamics 690’ and mention that yesterday was the last day to drop.
- Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student and scream, ‘You! What did I just say?’
- If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them your piece of chalk, and ask, ‘Would you like to give the lecture, Mr. Smartypants?’
- Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses with a stopwatch. Record their times in your grade book while muttering, ‘Tsk, tsk.’
- Announce ‘Youíll need this!’ as you write the suicide prevention hotline number on the board.
- Wear mirrored sunglasses and speak only in Turkish. Ignore all questions.
- Have one of your graduate students sprinkle flower petals ahead of you as you enter the room.
- Announce to students that their entire grades will be based on a single-question oral final exam. Imply that this could happen at any moment.
- Turn off the lights, play a tape of crickets chirping, and begin singing spirituals.
- Every so often, freeze in mid-sentence and stare off into space for several minutes. After a long, awkward silence, resume your sentence and proceed normally.
- Tell your math students that they must do all their work in a base 11 number system. Use a complicated symbol youíve named after yourself in place of the number 10 and threaten to fail students who donít use it.
- Give an opening monologue. Every ten minutes, take a two-minute ‘commercial break.’
- Announce that you’re already behind and must deliver two lectures that day, then deliver them in rapid-fire auctioneer style.
- Refer frequently to students who died while taking your class.
